If networking doesn’t feel right, you are doing it wrong. Midway through my master’s degree, I became concerned about my post-graduation job prospects. Bright classmates of mine were struggling with their transitions in the beginning of a recession and this filled me with fear. At the advice of trusted mentors, I decided to start “networking.” Feverishly, I built as many contacts as possible to increase my chances of landing a job upon graduation. My efforts went well and I added a great deal of connections, but something felt off. What I learned is that the paradigm-shifting secret to world-class networking is generous living and networking for others brings tremendous joy as you pay it forward.
A New Paradigm
I started to feel really guilty. After networking meetings with several generous people, it occurred to me that I was networking to gain something but my new connections were networking to give. I was approaching networking the wrong way. This epiphany changed my paradigm. Suddenly, networking became about much more than landing a job or launching my coaching practice. I realized that networking was not a set of actions for gain but rather a lifestyle of giving. Networking became about building relationships, not contacts. From that point on, I began to build relationships for the sake of others, not just for myself. Armed with a new purpose-driven networking paradigm, everything changed.
A Lifestyle of Generosity
Throughout my career I have had the privilege of building external partnerships as a large part of my work. This has given me the opportunity to meet some world-class relationship builders and study their secrets. The best networkers I know are extremely generous. These people are well-connected powerhouses who speak nationally, run successful organizations, and still make time for others. When I inquire about their relationship building secrets they quickly speak about building relationships to serve other people. These rare individuals actually take the time to thoughtfully listen and then connect you with people or resources without expecting a favor in return. For these generous super-connectors, networking truly is a lifestyle where every social setting becomes an opportunity to create value for other people. These relational geniuses look at the world as an unlimited networking opportunity – they don’t have to spend inordinate hours on networking because it is something that they just do everywhere they go. Their eyes are always open to the needs of people and they are constantly thinking of how to leverage their social capital for service.
A few years ago, I met with a friend who is an influential business owner. I was in a career transition and I wanted his advice. When we sat down for coffee, the first thing he enthusiastically asked was, “How can I serve you?” After an hour of thoughtful questions and wise advice, he offered to broker a conversation with a recruiter who might have an opportunity for me. For my friend and so many like him, networking as service has become second nature and as natural as breathing.
The Rewards of Networking on Purpose
Transforming your networking paradigm has lots of rewards. The utmost gain is the joy of serving others and seeing them thrive and develop. Everyone has something to give to other people. Helping someone launch their business, land a dream job, find a babysitter so they can get a date night, or connect to an inspiring mentor is exhilarating. By always looking for ways to serve people in your network, you become increasingly attuned to opportunities and needs all around you. Inevitably, this trickles into your business or career as you connect the dots that other people miss. Building value becomes habitual for generous relationship builders. Interestingly, your clients will notice that you have their best interests in mind and that you are genuinely concerned with how your services or products are meeting their needs. This authenticity builds the trust that leads to long-term repeat business and referrals – even though that isn’t your only goal.
Generous networking will also enable you to increasingly add value to your organization through your relationships. You can tap into your network to help recruit top talent and find the resources you need to get things done effectively. Most importantly, serving others inspires them to look for ways to reciprocate service and ignites their service to others as well. When business becomes relational, it also becomes fun!
Characteristics of Generous Super-Connectors
A common myth is that the only way to be successful at networking is to have an extraverted personality. While extraversion is certainly helpful for relationship building, some of the best networkers I know are introverted – they carefully listen, ask intentional questions, and reflect on ways to serve people. Generous super-connectors are also extremely humble and wildly ambitious. They are humble in the way that they value others above their own interests but they are also ambitious and very driven to make the world a better place. The best networkers have big hearts.
Is generous networking akin to being used for your connections? Absolutely not. Generous super-connectors are relationally savvy; they choose to serve others out of joy and for the sake of the other person. At the same time, they know when someone is just trying to use them and they carefully curate the people they trust. Generous super-connectors are focused on creating value for others. Because of this, they take the time to understand people’s needs and patiently look for opportunities to help them out.
How to Pay it Forward
Are you ready to become a generous, relational super-connector? Here are four easy activities to accelerate the impact you can make through your relationships:
1. Make a short list. Who are five people who you want to intentionally serve in your network? Brainstorm one thing you can do to serve them in the next month. Get to work!
2. Ask a lot of questions. The art of asking questions is at the heart of great networking. View each networking meeting like a treasure hunt to discover ways to serve the other person. Ask questions that help you learn both personal and professional details. Try to ask the first question and keep the conversation focused on them, not you. Lastly, ask open-ended questions that keep discussions flowing and steer questions toward the needs and opportunities – business or personal – that your connection has.
3. Give something away. Identify ten ways you can creatively serve people in your network. Perhaps you could forward job leads to someone in transition, suggest a great consultant to a colleague, volunteer at a nonprofit that a friend is involved in, share your professional expertise to help someone start a project or just simply strive to be fully present with the people you meet with throughout the day.
4. Enjoy yourself! Networking is fun when the focus is on building relationships and serving people. Don’t worry about driving for results. As you develop a lifestyle of relationships you will discover that lots of interesting and valuable outcomes will develop.
Bookstores are crowded with networking tricks and techniques. The key, however, that unlocks the secrets of networking is generous service. By changing your relationship building paradigm you will transform your network – maybe even your life. In the process you will make the world a better place by building a powerful engine of generous social capital that generates ripples far beyond what you can ask for or imagine.
This article originally appeared in Focus magazine from LTEN at www.L-TEN.org.
By Daniel Hallak
Professional Development Specialist, Seattle Pacific University
Principal Coach, Next Step Career Consulting